Warnings

The other day, I was taking a look at the laundry instructions for one of my jackets when I noticed that right under the "machine wash warm" section was a little note that said "Warning: do not attempt to set on fire."

Is it me, or is a warning like that really kind of unnecessary? I mean, I get that the material of the jacket might be especially flammable, but shouldn't it go without saying that setting the jacket on fire is a bad idea? Maybe I'm an exception to the public's usual line of thinking, but my general assumption when dealing with items other than matches and candles is "do not set this on fire."

If you're going to start printing fire warnings on certain clothing items, then you might as well add a caveat on pretty much every item one could purchase.

"Lighting this DVD on fire might result in an unclear picture when played."

Or

"Caution: fire might cause this telephone to melt."

I guess it saddens me a bit to see how little faith some of these companies have in the general intelligence of the public that they would go so far as to warn people not to ignite their own clothing.

On the other hand, I can't say that I blame them. Ever since that landmark case of the idiot woman winning millions from McDonald's for spilling hot coffee all over her crotch and subsequently getting burned, every "to go" cup in the country now sports the statement "warning: the beverage you are about to enjoy is extremely hot." Why wouldn't a jeans company take the next logical step to print "do not set on fire," or, better yet, "not a substitute for a cup holder" right smack in the middle of the crotch seam?

Anyway, I hope you've all enjoyed reading this, but I do feel the need to warn you that you should not attempt to set this blog on fire no matter how terrible you think the content might be. Setting your computer screen on fire can cause significant damage to your machine and will, incidentally, in no way effect this blog. Also, the opinions contained in this blog in no way represent the company that supports this web site or the makers of the computer on which I type up my thoughts. You should talk to your doctor before reading this blog, as side effects might include eye-rolling, fist banging, and, if I'm doing my job properly, uncontrollable laughter resulting in a brief but manageable loss of sensibility. I think that just about covers it all.