Vacuum

I thought about breaking out the vacuum cleaner earlier today to, well, assist with some much-needed household cleaning.



Handy as the vacuum is for scooping up dust and dirt particles, I am actually far better off without the vacuum.

Here's why: vacuums are heavy. Also, I am a klutz. Together, these two facets form a series of scenarios in which a fair degree of destruction might easily ensue, including, but not limited to, 1) five hundred things falling out of my closet during my attempt to remove the vacuum; 2) black marks in the hallway as a result of me losing control of the vacuum and banging it into the walls;  and 3) certain lower body injuries caused by my inability to notice the very visible cord attached to the vacuum and avoid tripping over it.

Oh, and aside from all of that, the vacuum cleaner makes my dog go nuts. Not that I can blame him...if I were jolted from my sleep by the grinding sounds of a vacuum cleaner, coupled with a series of foul-mouthed shrieks from my owner as a result of incident #3 above, I'd also feel a little unsettled and probably act out accordingly.

So really, instead of using the vacuum, I think I'll do things the old fashioned way: get down on my hands and knees, and dust and scrub the dirt away. Either that, or hire a maid.