Silence, on a train

I really can’t stand those New Jersey Transit riders who act like the train is their own private sanctuary that cannot be infiltrated by any type of noise. I was taking the train earlier today when my cell phone rang in the middle of my trip home. The conversation on my end – and I’m really not exaggerating here – went as follows:

“Hi...listen, I only have a second ‘cause I’m on the train…sure, 6:30 tomorrow sounds great…okay, will do…you too, bye.”

The whole thing lasted less than thirty seconds, as confirmed by the call timer built into my phone, yet somewhere in between me saying “I only have a second ‘cause I’m on the train” and “you too, bye,” the guy sitting next to me started staring at me as though I’d just admitted to taking pleasure in beating an already-wounded puppy. As soon as I hung up, he proceeded to tell me how completely and utterly rude I had been by taking a phone call in the middle of a crowded train and disturbing the silence he would’ve otherwise been able to enjoy.

Okay, first of all dude, it’s an evening rush hour train, not a library, so let’s not get crazy. Second of all, I come from the land of the New York City subway, where people not only talk freely and loudly on their cell phones, they openly blast their stereos or, in some cases, set up a 3-piece mariachi band right smack in the middle of the subway car. Where I come from, if you try to tell someone off for using a cell phone on a public train, then best case, you risk getting absolutely ridiculed, and worst case, you risk getting seriously beaten.

And while we’re at it, do you really mean to tell me that my quick conversation is more annoying than your incessant typing? We get it, Laptop Man. You’re an important person and you obviously can’t tear yourself away from your job for more than a couple of minutes…but considering the fact that my conversation lasted about 30 seconds whereas you’ve been typing on your computer ever since we started our fun little journey together, I can guarantee that in the grand scheme of passenger annoyance, you rank considerably higher than I do.

I mean, I’m obviously not a fan of those people who choose to spend the entire ride shouting into their cell phones at the top of their lungs, but that’s taking things to a whole other extreme. I would’ve even granted the guy next to me some leeway had it been early in the morning, but at 5:20 in the evening, nobody is obligated to uphold the Commuter’s Code of Silence.

A few minutes after my encounter with the opinionated gentleman, a woman in the row in front of us took a similar call. All I could hear of her conversation was “hi…I’m getting in at 5:41…great, thanks, bye,” yet Laptop Man spent the next consecutive 45 seconds shaking his head and rolling his eyes. In fact, he must’ve been so utterly appalled by this woman’s gross lack of consideration and her desire to not be stranded at the train station that he actually stopped typing for a couple of minutes, thereby granting me a break from the otherwise incessant keyboard clicking. And yes, I’ll admit that the clicking annoyed me, but I didn’t say anything. Why? Oh yeah, because the last time I checked, this wasn’t my own private train.

I’ve seen this happen a lot, where people get really mean and pissy the second you happen to get on the phone. I understand that having to take New Jersey Transit on a regular basis can make for quite the miserable existence, but don’t take it out on the rest of us. And besides, what if I happened to be taking the train along with a friend? Would we be obligated to sit there in silence for the entire 67 minutes of our journey? Here’s an idea: go out and get some noise-canceling headphones. Or, better yet, suck it up like everybody else, and once you get home, you can have all the Quiet Time you’d like.

My phone rang once again just a couple of minutes before the train reached my stop. Rather than get into it with Laptop Man, I simply silenced it, let the call go to voice mail, and then texted my friend something along the lines of “I’ll call you in a few, once I get off the train.” When I looked up, Laptop Man was at it again, rolling his eyes and shaking his head, even more agitated than before. To let out some of his frustrations, he began typing in a more pronounced, erratic fashion, which prompted the person behind him to stand up, tap him on the shoulder, and ask him to please type quietly, as the keyboard noises were apparently disturbing to those behind him who were trying to read.

Isn’t karma a wonderful thing?